For quite a while polygamous lifestyle has intrigued me. The idea that a group of people can have such love and devotion towards each other and overcome the inherit selfishness and jealousy in each of us is amazing and something I would love to have. That's not to say I won't be content in my life or marriage UNLESS it happens, but I know the joy and additional love it would bring is something I want to at least investigate.
My wife had a somewhat troubled childhood, not very stable. Part of the time she spent with her mom and step-dad living among, well I'm not sure they call themselves FLDS, but they're very similar from what I've gathered. Her brother converted and married a woman who has strong ties to what I will call FLDS-style polygamy. That has exposed me to some of what goes on and how they live it. Her brother has chosen to remain monogamous but I guess it's never truly ruled out as a possibility?
I won't say I view their lifestyle as wrong (as long as it's among consenting adults I see no problem), but I can definitively say when I think of having a polygamous life I want something more. To me at least it seems empty and while not abusive, can lead to neglect, from what I've seen. I don't mean to offend anyone and if this is your lifestyle don't think I'm judging YOU, these are simply my personal REAL observations and as such are from a perspective that is probably different than your own.
I have finally decided to at least find out more about the various ways people live polygamy and see if it's something I want to approach my wife about or if the possible damage it could do to our relationship if she's hurt is too great. I know she's not interested in the style of polygamy her brother is part of, but I also think that has prejudiced her against the concept completely. So one of the things I'm trying to research is how to break down that prejudice so we can have a real conversation about the topic.
In short, my main goals for starting this blog and reading other people's blogs are:
- To see if there are examples of polygamy that fall in line with what I view as ideal and would be willing to practice myself. This would be a one house, one family version.
- Find out how to even approach the subject with my wife. Hopefully I'll find either some husband's advice or other 1st wives suggestions for how to bring the topic up. Like I said, if she can't be ok with it, that's fine, but I can't help but see if I can try.
- Learn a lot more about the logistics and finances of entering this kind of lifestyle. I am the kind of guy who is very methodical and orderly (although my living room would beg to differ). How do finances work? Insurance? Those are the two biggies I guess. Not sure how to get insurance for a 2nd wife. I'm not a welfare kind of guy either and that's one of the BIG problems I have with my brother-in-law's group. They abuse welfare and I think that's... weak.
- Extended family. I think 50% of my fear is my wife rejecting the idea and it damaging our relationship, the other 50% is her agreeing to it and then what about my family, her family, etc... I'm pretty sure my family would go ballistic. I don't know they would "disown" us, but it wouldn't be pretty either. Her family would be slightly more understanding as her brother is already part of a polygamous religion. But he doesn't practice polygamy and I think they would have a problem if he did. I know we should live OUR lives, but family, ALL family, is important to me and I have a hard time reconciling the happiness a 2nd wife would bring with the reduced acceptance my own family would have for us.
- Lastly, how do you even find someone to be a 2nd wife? I have literally no idea on this right now. It's not like you can just go start dating someone and get to the point where you're seriously considering marriage and then tell them you want them as a 2nd wife. I don't think so. So even though this has a slim chance of happening (pending 1st wife's approval) it's something I know she'll ask about and I'll need to have some answers.
